


Felix Gets Updated

by SpiritSails



Series: Felix [2]
Category: Felix the Cat (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-30 23:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19413292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritSails/pseuds/SpiritSails
Summary: The sequel to "On Reflection," Felix learns the price of relevance in this ever-changing cartoon landscape.





	Felix Gets Updated

**Author's Note:**

> All entities belong to their respective owners. Creative liberties are taken.

It was an unseasonably warm Easter Sunday in Upstate New York. The sun hung high in the sky. The screen door of a farmhouse coated in peeling white paint opened up to reveal Felix the Cat. The black cat in question was holding a bright yellow envelope and waving inside the house, a smile draped across his face.

“Happy Easter, all of you!” Felix hollered back into the humble abode.

In response, a pair of black kittens scurried to the doorway. They bore a striking resemblance to Felix, wide smiles and all.

These kittens were Felix’s nephews, Inky and Winky, and they made no secret of their wish that Felix would stay just a bit longer. Albeit, Felix had stayed ‘just a bit longer’ more than a few times today already.

“Are you gonna come back soon, Uncle Felix?” Inky asked with his biggest eyes.

“Heck yeah, I am! Get ready for it,” Felix said as he threw his arms up to show the kittens his excitement, “Now go help your mom with the dishes.”

The kittens each gave their uncle a hug before scurrying on back inside on all fours and out of Felix’s view, but not before Winky nearly slipped and fell on the wooden floor, quickly regaining his composure as he turned the corner with his brother.

After standing in the doorway for a few more moments, sighing to himself, Felix closed the screen door and walked over to his car.

“Have fun, Felix?” asked the car, an inquisitive shimmer in its eyes.

“I’d say!” Felix exclaimed as he turned the key in the ignition.

Felix’s car sputtered out of its mouth as it drove off toward the interstate.

-

“Where we headed now, Felix?” asked the car, driving in the fast lane and smiling at the sight of all the trees that lined the wide roads.

“We’re going to take a quick stop at my place, and then we’re going to see Sheba. She and I have some business we need to go over,” Felix said, picking up the pace.

“Sheba sure is a _cool_ cat,” said the car, hardly keeping its eyes on the road.

“She sure can be,” Felix replied, the wind running through his fur as he scanned the horizon, ready to start the next chapter of his day.

-

Felix arrived at Sheba’s apartment building toward sundown, sitting inside of a shaking, sputtering automobile. The cat rubbed the steering wheel as he turned off the car and hid the keys in his fur.

Felix’s car coughed again and again, struggling to catch its breath.

“Are you going to be okay?” asked Felix, not quite sure how to approach the subject.

Between coughs, the car muttered, “I swallowed… so many… bugs.”

Felix got out of his car and looked it square in the eyes.

“Well, I’m going to be at Sheba’s for a little while, so you’ll have some time to breathe. Yell up if you need anything, alright?”

“Yeah… sure,” said the car, staring down at the road, licking its teeth to count the number of flies it could feel in between them.

Felix walked away slowly from his car, giving it a quick look back and a meek thumbs up before he headed inside, walking up the stairs two at a time and giving Sheba’s apartment door a hearty knock.

“What’s up?” Felix asked as a familiar feline figure answered the door.

Sheba the Cat was wearing her usual leather jacket and blue jeans that contrasted sharply with her yellow fur, the ensemble topped off with a red beret.

The yellow cat held out her fist, which was quickly met with Felix’s.

“Bam, F-Man,” Sheba said as the fist bump made contact.

“Happy Easter, Sheba,” Felix added.

Sheba needed a moment to register what Felix just said.  
  
“Oh yeah! Happy Easter, Felix. I guess that is today, huh?” she asked as she let Felix inside.

“You didn’t know today was Easter?” Felix asked back.

“Oh! No. Just… surprised to hear it brought up, is all.”

Felix smiled.

  
  
“Well, I got you a chocolate rabbit anyway,” he said, holding up the confection wrapped in foil.

  
“Isn't it kinda too hot to have had something in the car, Felix?” asked Sheba, concerned for the rabbit’s safety.

  
  
“Naahhhh,” assured Felix, “It was only a forty minute drive from my place to here. Lemme see…”

  
  
Unwrapping the foil, the once proud chocolate rabbit was now a gooey horror, a melting monstrosity, and a testament to Felix's lack of forethought.

  
  
The chocolate rabbit looked over at Sheba and screamed, its voice raspy.

  
  
"The bells! The bells!"

  
  
Felix looked down upon the rabbit in his paws with wide eyes.

  
  
"I would eat it fast, Sheba.”

-

After putting the rabbit out of its misery, the two cats got to sitting down on either end of Sheba’s couch. Sheba proceeded to open up her laptop, a few different documents were on the screen, each filled to the brim with messily formatted text.

Felix saw that one of the documents was titled ‘Felix Reboot Ideas.’

“We’re gonna be that obvious about it, huh?” asked Felix, hand under his chin, eyes half-open.

“Let’s not mess around, F-Man” said Sheba, her eyes locked to her laptop, “You said you wanted to get this started and we are _gonna_. I am here to make sure the whole world knows for _sure_ who Felix the Cat is.”

In all of Felix’s ever-rising levels of excitement, the black cat’s eyes grew to insane proportions, embedding him into his side of the couch and lifting Sheba on her side right up into the air.

“Let’s do this, Sheba!” Felix hollered.

Sheba continued, “Alright, Eager Eddie, but first we need to figure out what could work for you. I have a few ideas, but I think we could stand to have you watch a couple things to get you in the right frame of mind.”

Pulling up the website of a legally distinct video streaming service, Sheba wasted no time starting up a video.

“This show’s called _Sad Animals in a Sad Town_. It’s real.”

-

As the cats watched a show about a bunch of angry, vindictive, but ultimately sad animals trying and failing to do the right thing amidst a series of sight gags, Felix sat there splayed on his side of the couch, jaw dropped to the cushions below.

The animals on the show were currently discussing their failure to hide their feelings associated with the loss of a loved one.

Through tears, Sheba pointed out, “It’s a comedy.”

Slowly scooping his jaw back up, Felix asked, “What else you got?”

“Well,” Sheba started, pausing the video, “Let me get this DVD playing.”

-

The DVD in question was of a loud, colorful kids movie oozing with celebrity voice actors and licensed music. A family of moles were currently in minute five of a twenty-five minute dance sequence set to a tune whose primary lyrics were ‘Boo yah yah. Boo yah yah. Bam! Boom!’

Felix had his neck bent at an angle, as if literally seeing the film from a different perspective would work in the figurative sense as well.

It did not and Felix voiced his displeasure.

“You _bought_ this on DVD?!” he asked, incredulous.

Sheba bit her lip.

“Actually, it just showed up in my place one day.”

At that, Sheba’s laptop screen became all staticky, with terrible incantations emanating from the speakers as a green mist pulled itself from the monitor into reality.

Sheba shut her laptop and all that stopped.

“I mean it’s not a _bad_ movie. It’s kinda perfect for what I’m trying to get you thinking about,” Sheba said with a shrug.

Felix nodded, “At least it’s not Dreamworks, right Sheba? What a bunch of garbage they make.”

Sheba’s eyes went wide.

“I mean, uh, they have some great movies, Felix.”

Felix guffawed.

“Which they dried out by making sequel after sequel! What a mess of business decisions, am I right?”

At that point, Sheba whispered some very pertinent information regarding who owned what in Felix’s ear.

With Felix’s eyes growing twice their size, his tune quickly changed.

“But all their movies are so funny,” the black cat added.

“ _So_ funny, Felix!” Sheba laughed, forcefully.

“You know what I was thinking, Sheba?” Felix said, laughing even harder, holding his hands out.

“I bet I do!” Sheba said as she took Felix’s hands.

“Steven Spielberg has never made a bad movie!” the cats said in unison.

They then proceeded to laugh awkwardly for exactly thirty seconds, then immediately stopped.

“What would you do without me, Felix?” Sheba asked, wiping Felix’s sweat off her hands and onto her jeans.

“I think I know,” Felix started while he eked back to his side of the couch, “And the thought scares me.”

-

“Well,” Sheba said as she set aside her laptop, getting up off the couch, “That’s all I wanted to show you. Now let me ask you a very important question.”

Felix stood up off the couch as well, not bothering to ask what that question might be.

“Do you do much online?” Sheba eventually asked, waving away some green mist.

“Sorta? Like what?” Felix asked back.

“Well, pretty much all the good stuff people watch now is online, Felix. There are videos about all kinds of things, fictional and nonfictional, amateur and professional. There are people with 20 viewers and there are people with 1,000,000 viewers, and they are both putting the same amount of effort into their stuff. It’s a big, crazy mess, but it’s a lot of fun,” Sheba monologued.

“Sounds like it could be a big waste of time, then,” Felix thought to himself more than anyone else.

Turning back to Sheba, Felix asked, “So what’s that got to do with me?”

“ _We_ are doing something online,” Sheba said with a nod of her head.

“Why?” Felix regretted asking.

“Because you can do anything you want!” Sheba cheered, pointing at Felix, “And everyone who works online gets immediate feedback from their viewers.”

“As if I need some weirdo on the internet deciding what I should say and do…” Felix muttered to himself again.

“You really gotta speak up,” Sheba huffed.

Felix stuck out his tongue and said, “I tell you what you need to hear.”

“Whatever, mumblecore,” Sheba said, heading toward her apartment door, “We’re filming on my phone, but there’s only one place I know we can get all the other equipment for free.”

As if it had been listening the whole time, Felix’s car crashed through Sheba’s apartment door.

“Did you guys need a ride?” it asked, a big smile on its face.

Sheba’s draw dropped.

“I don’t have renters insurance!”

Felix held his hand to his forehead.

“How did you even get up here, car?!”

The car shrugged. How it shrugged is up to you.

“I drove.”

-  


After they navigated down the stairs of Sheba’s apartment building, and after Sheba had a _very_ long talk with her landlord, the two cats headed out to visit…

“Poindexter, I’m cashing in that favor!!!” Sheba yelled as she slammed open the laboratory doors.

  
In sheer shock, the kid genius jumped out of his chair, but not even for a second did his hands fall away from the controller he was holding.

Poindexter uttered simply, “Yes, yes, of course. Everything is in the other room,” and pointed to a hallway _far away_ from where he was currently sitting.

Before the cats could head that way, however, Poindexter added, “If I could bother you two for a moment, I _have_ been trying to beat this very difficult boss on _Ouch Knight 3_ for over an hour now. If you both could keep quiet, I would appreciate it.”

“Pointy, c’mon!” Felix started, “Since when have either of us ever been **loud**?”

“I could hear you and your car arguing from the courtyard, Felix,” Poindexter murmured.

“Tell that cat he doesn’t know the first thing about the shortcuts in this city!” Felix’s car yelled from outside.

At this, Poindexter simply pushed a button on a panel nearby his seat, which sent Felix and Sheba screaming down a trapdoor, knocking them through a system of tubes and into the makeshift filming room Sheba was hoping for.

Dusting herself off, the yellow cat said, “Well, let’s get started.”

Felix used his finger to twirl the stars spinning around his head.

-

After getting everything properly set up, Sheba spoke through the only other piece of equipment she brought with her aside from her phone: Her director’s megaphone.

“C’mon, F-Man. Let’s do this!”

  
With a frown stretched across his mug, and decked out in a sideways baseball cap, a rather colorful jacket, and sunglasses too dark to see through, Felix rapped. Well, more like mumbled.

  
  
"Yo. I'm... Felix the Cat and I'm here to say: Nazis suck in a major way."

  
  
"You gotta put more into it, Felix," Sheba yelled again through her megaphone.

  
  
"More _what?!_ " moaned Felix, much louder than the megaphone could manage.

Sheba pulled the megaphone away from her mouth.

“More _heart_ , Felix. You sound like you don’t even believe what you’re saying.”

Felix pulled his head back in exasperation, steaming.

“Of course I do! Nazis are worthless piles of burning trash. I just don’t get your… method here.”

An intercom sounded up above. Poindexter cleared his throat.

“Please do remember your promise to be quiet, you two. I can still hear you.”

“Sorry, Pointy!” Sheba yelled through cupped hands at the doors.

_Ouch Knight 3_ ’s classic ‘You Died’ musical cue played through the intercom.

“ **WHY?!** ” Poindexter yelled over the intercom before shutting it off.

Grimacing, Sheba stepped closer to Felix and whispered, hands on her hips, “You gotta make a grand statement, F-Man. This is about people knowing for sure who Felix the Cat is and what he stands for.”

Felix rolled his eyes, speaking at a normal volume.

“Sheba, making something for the internet is such a waste of time.”

Sheba raised her volume level to match Felix’s.

“It isn’t if you care about what you’re doing, Felix…”

Felix yelled, “No one is gonna see this! This is like throwing paper clips at a brick wall to try and tear it down.”

  
“How thick is the wall?” Poindexter asked over the intercom.

  
  
“What?!” Felix yelled, snapping his head up toward the ceiling.

  
  
“Metal or plastic paper clips?” the kid genius continued.

  
  
“You're kidding,” Sheba said as she stared at the ceiling.

Unfortunately, Poindexter missed the memo.

  
  
“How fast are you throwing the paper clips? Is it sort of a lazy toss, or can I use the High-Powered Giant Paper Clip Launcher for which I am now drawing the schematics?”

Felix shot his head forward, his tail furrowed.

“Now is not the time, Pointy!”  
  
“Oh… sorry,” Poindexter sighed, sheepishly going back to his game.

“This is ridiculous,” Felix continued, now finally whispering himself, “Why can’t I just be myself, huh? I’ve been doing fine for 100 years.”

“You can’t just be yourself forever,” Sheba whisper-yelled back, “ _Yourself_ has to improve. _Yourself_ has to see what’s going on around you and learn and grow. You gotta roll with the zeitgeist, Felix.”

“Well, I can’t just change everything about myself,” Felix said, matching Sheba’s tone.

“It’s not about changing yourself,” Sheba started, raising her voice just a little more, “It’s about keeping yourself in the know. It’s about being you, and staying you, while doing what you can to stay in touch with what other people are doing. You’re always gonna be Felix, but Felix can’t just be who he started out as. Felix can be a lot of things.”

Thinking back to his previous adventure with the M.I.R.R.O.R. Machine, and why he got into it in the first place, Felix started fuming. Curling his hands into fists, he shouted right at Sheba’s face.

“You know what, with everyone around me, I’m either too many things or not enough! I’m sick of it!!!”

“Please be quieter,” Poindexter uttered over the intercom.

“Shut up, Poindexter!” Felix screamed at the doors.

Before shutting off the intercom, Poindexter started whimpering.

Sheba’s eyes grew wide.

“You ignorant jerk…” she whispered, not even bothering to look Felix in the face.

Felix’s tail drooped low as he approached Sheba.

“Hey, I’m sorr–”

Sheba stepped away from Felix.

“Maybe the worst thing, Felix, is that you could do anything, yet you keep doing nothing at all.”

“I’m trying!” Felix said, holding back his tears.

Sheba headed toward the door.

“And where has that gotten you? I’m gonna check on Poindexter… then I’m going home.”

“I can drive you,” Felix said, following Sheba.

“I’ll take the train,” she said, letting the automatic doors close behind her.

-

Felix took the long way around the lab, going through the front door and toward his car.

His car was snoring, tired after being on the road all day.

Felix got into his vehicle, pressed his head against the steering wheel, and stared down at the car mat.

Down between his feet, Felix spotted the envelope he got from the kittens back upstate.

Felix thought to himself.

_At least I make_ some _people happy._

Felix picked up and poked his index claw through the envelope, opening it up to show its contents: A greeting card.

The card showed a pastel blue cat with a pair of pink bunny ears on its head. The text printed inside read simply: _Happy Easter_.

Felix smirked.

Under that cheap, glittery text was a small note written in black ink: _“We love you, Felix. Don’t ever change.”_

It was signed _“Inky and Winky,”_ but it was undoubtedly his sister’s handwriting.

For a moment, Felix stared at the card, thinking about the time he spent with family earlier that day. He thought about his nephews. He thought about the games they played and the jokes they told each other. He thought about how no matter how old they got, he’d always remember those cute kittens he got to play with and care for.

Felix dropped the card. The cat’s ears drooped as he cradled his head in his hands.

“Is that _really_ it?” he said to himself.

He sighed.

“Darn it, Felix. Why do you have to be so slow to get anywhere?”

“It’s not my fault,” his car said, wide awake.

-

Walking back into the lab, Felix saw Sheba giving Poindexter a hug. _Ouch Knight 3_ ’s epic main menu music filled the room.

Sheba gave Felix a scowl when she saw him standing in the doorway.

Before Sheba could tell Felix what to do with that tail of his, Felix held his hands up.

“Can I try?” he asked quietly.

“You better,” Sheba hissed, turning her head away from him.

“I think I get what you were saying earlier, Sheba,” Felix started, taking a step closer. Sheba gave no indication she was listening.

Felix continued, walking closer toward his friends.

“I was a involved in a lot of dumb things in my day. Arrogant things. Ignorant things. Maybe sometimes I didn’t put nearly enough effort into what I was doing. Maybe I could have done better with what I had.”

Felix stopped. He stopped speaking. He stopped moving. He started searching desperately for the right thing to say.

“But…” he began, stopping again just as quickly.

He tried again.

“No. Wait! No excuses. I can never change any of that, and I’ll have to regret it for the rest of my life.”

Felix was now next to Sheba and Poindexter. Sheba was looking Felix in the eyes once more. Her expression was blank. Poindexter stared down at his controller.

“But I know I can do better. I just gotta try. I wanna try,” Felix said, now turning away from the pair himself.

Felix sighed and bit his lip.

“I have to change, but maybe there’s a better way to do it. Maybe with your help, we can show people how well I work already, how well I’ve always worked, but in a new way that can get people excited again.”

Felix looked over at his friends again, smiling wide.

“That could work. I bet it will! I hope it will. I really want it to…” Felix trailed off again.

After a hefty handful of terribly awkward silence, Sheba stuck out her fist. Laughing, Felix met his fist with hers.

Sheba smirked, “Bam, Felix.”

Felix flicked his tail, “You’re a cool cat, Sheba.”

The yellow cat put her hands on her hips, striking a pose.

“I gotta be, Felix. If I ain’t cool enough for both of us, you won’t get anywhere.”

Felix shrugged, “You’re right. And I bet Poindexter would love to be a part of this too, wouldn’t he?

Poindexter looked over at the cats. His beady eyes couldn’t get much wider, but they did.

“Really?” the kid genius asked, amazed at the thought of his inclusion.

“Yeah, I say we get everyone involved,” Felix added, “This is about everyone. Not just me. If we want this to go right, everyone should have a say.”

“Alright, Eager Eddie,” Sheba said, shaking her head, “But we’re gonna work on that tomorrow. Right now: How about the three of us go snag some Burger Hut before they close?”

“This film set _could_ stand to have some catering,” Poindexter noted.

-

Walking back toward Felix’s car, Poindexter in tow, Felix and Sheba stared at each other, laughing.

  
  
“I guess the strength to change was inside me all along,” Felix said between laughs in his best moral father figure voice.

  
Sheba guffawed, “I helped.”

  
  
“You did?” Felix teased.

  
  
“Yeah, I was with you all night. You got there because of me,” Sheba teased back.

“I may have been _influenced_ by you,” Felix said as he stuck out his tongue.

“I literally directed you, Felix,” Sheba nodded.

“I don’t get directed. I get _inspired_ ,” Felix said, waving his hands in the air all ethereal like.

“ _Inspired_ by _me!_ ” the yellow cat stated definitively.

“Someone’s a sore winner,” the black cat mumbled playfully.

Sheba winked, “You’re a worse loser.”

Looking at the floor for a moment, Felix looked back over at Sheba with a frown, allowing himself to be serious just one more time tonight.

“How do I show people I can be different?” Felix asked, closing his eyes as he walked.

Sheba laughed to herself, but just for a moment, putting Felix at ease.

“F-Man, I say you’re already doing it.”


End file.
